“drat my bike won’t go at unreasonable speeds, my only solution must be abandoning my still perfectly functional bike and laying down several grand on the single least practical means of transportation in the city. What’s a MetroCard?”

Shut. Up.

In a city with buses, subways, ferries, light rail… Shut up.

And you’re a troll, this isn’t a zero sum game, making bikes safe matters, you complete weirdo.